Male Rape Victims Speak Out for the Boys

A new program launched in the fall of 2005 is making some progress in educating people about the reality that male sexual abuse is just as common as abuse against females:

Embraced by both the education and correctional services departments, a campaign encouraging male sexual abuse victims to speak out has made significant inroads since its launch three months ago.

Established in October by Sara Jones, For the Boys has so far set up a network with 100 prisons, schools and dozens of social workers across the country.

Her book Return to Innocence has been made the centrepiece of the campaign and thousands of copies have been distributed for free.

This week the department of education awarded it a five-star rating, allowing schools to freely download the book. According to Jones, the campaign has been effective.

"In one incident an 18-year-old man in Johannesburg revealed to us that his grandfather abused him every night. He is now in a safehouse.

Judge Dismissed Pope Bendict From Sexual Abuse Case

Pope Benedict is no longer accused of being part of an abuse case cover up:

A U.S. judge on Thursday dismissed Pope Benedict from a civil lawsuit lodged against him and other Roman Catholic church officials that accused them of covering up sexual abuse of a minor by a seminary student.

In a written ruling, U.S. District Judge Lee Rosenthal agreed with a motion filed by the Vatican that Pope Benedict enjoyed "head-of-state immunity" in the case.

Three unnamed plaintiffs in the case have said church officials ignored their pleas to investigate Juan Carlos Patino-Arango, who they accused of sexual abuse, and that the clergy helped him leave the country.

Apparently, Mrs. Robinson Is Everywhere

The Australian has a piece talking more about females abusing young males:

CINEMA audiences were shocked and titillated when the predatory Mrs Robinson seduced a college kid in the 1967 film The Graduate. Forty years later, Mrs Robinson is turning up everywhere, including in the schoolyard and with under-age partners.

In the latest Australian cases to hit the headlines, two female teachers are accused of sexual relationships with 15-year-old boys. Bridget Nolan, 24, of Adelaide faces the prospect of jail after pleading guilty to having sex with a pupil, while a 36-year-old Melbourne woman has been charged after allegedly engaging in oral sex on six occasions this year with a student attending her North Melbourne school.

A third Australian, former Melbourne PE teacher Karen Louise Ellis, was released in October after six months in prison following her affair with a 15-year-old student. His mother, the same age as Ellis, reported the pair after finding 499 text messages from the former teacher on her son's mobile phone.

In the US, a rash of high-profile cases involving female teachers and their teen lovers has led to a raging debate over whether a double standard applies when it comes to the way society, the media and the courts view sexual misconduct and the web of ethical, moral and legal issues involved.

At the heart of the debate is Debra Lafave, 25, a Florida teacher described in news reports as a sexpot, "hottie" and the subject of every teenage boy's dreams. Lafave's blonde good looks and second job as a bikini model led to her defence lawyer in effect claiming she was too pretty to send to jail for repeated sex with a 14-year-old pupil.

U.S. Teacher Sexpidemic

It appears that people find the "increase" in sexual abuse by female teachers is speading across the world. It has been happening all the time, but reporting seems to be on the rise.

The seeming U.S. epidemic of cases involving female teachers raping or molesting their students has been "sexported" Down Under, as Australia is experiencing a similar rash of cases.

Bridget Mary Nolan, 24, of Adelaide, Australia, is facing a possible seven-year prison term after admitting to three counts of sexual intercourse with a 15-year-old student in late July.

"The victim ... and his family are the subject of a lot of scrutiny by members of the school community and (the) town community in which they live," prosecutor Elizabeth Griffith told a court hearing. "The victim has ... been teased and bullied and pointed out within the school community as somebody who might have been involved with the teacher."

Meanwhile, another woman teacher is facing charges for allegedly seducing one of her own 15-year-old students.

Natalina D'Addario, a 36-year-old languages instructor from the Melbourne area is accused of beginning a sexual relationship with the teen in May.

Police say they engaged in oral sex on six occasions through July off school grounds. The affair reportedly came to a close in September when the boy notified his assistant principal of the liaisons.

These two cases are the latest in a series of Australian women having illicit relations with their male students

Sexual Abuse On The Rise In Delaware

There appears to be an increase in sexual abuse reporting in Delaware.

DOVER - Oct. 7: Man held on rape charges.

Nov. 18: Priest accused of sex abuse.

Nov. 23: Dover man charged with raping teen.

The date changes, but headlines in the newspaper carry a grim, yet repetitive message - Downstate sex crimes increased over last year and the victims are children.

However, John R. Humphrey, executive director of the Children's Advocacy Center of Delaware Inc. for nearly a decade, believes the number of child predators who are reported and prosecuted represent only a small percentage of the actual perpetrators of the crime.

Because crimes against children are frequently not reported by the child, and because there are many avenues for handling a complaint, experts struggle to determine an exact number of victims.

"Those are just the ones you know about," Mr. Humphrey said.

"I believe there are 75 to 80 percent more we don't know about it. There are victims who have never told."

Although Delaware has a mandatory reporting system in which teachers and day-care providers are required to report suspected abuse, Delaware State Police Sgt. Charles Mullett also believes the crime occurs more frequently than it's reported.

"The increase is staggering," Sgt. Mullett said.

Technorati Tags : sexual+abuse, sex+abuse, sexual+abuse+doctors, sexabuse, sexualabuse

Sex With Young Males "Might Be Okay"

There appears to be some issues developing over whether or not males can be sexual abused it appears the age of consent (for boys only) is something that is being looked at.

WHEN Sandra Beth Geisel, a former Catholic schoolteacher, was sentenced to six months in jail last month for having sex with a 16-year-old student, she received sympathy from a surprising source.

The judge, Stephen Herrick of Albany County Court in New York, told her she had "crossed the line" into "totally unacceptable" behavior. But, he added, the teenager was a victim in only the strictly legal sense. "He was certainly not victimized by you in any other sense of the word," the judge said. The prosecutor and a lawyer for the boy's family called the judge's comments outrageous. But is it possible that the 16-year-old wasn't really harmed?

The last few months have produced a spate of cases where women are prosecuted for having sex with boys: Debra LaFave of Florida, another teacher, faces trial for sleeping with a 14-year-old student; Lisa Lynette Clark of Georgia was impregnated by her son's 15-year-old friend, whom she married a day before she was arrested; Silvia Johnson of Colorado was sentenced to 30 years for having sex with teenagers and providing drugs and alcohol.

The web of law and life, apparently, need to be untangled.

Certainly no one doubts that a teacher who has sex with her students should lose her job. Or that a 37-year-old mother should not find herself pregnant by her son's 15-year-old friend. Or that a 41-year-old mother who provides sex, drugs and alcohol to teenagers so she can be cool among her daughter's friends is troubled.

But when the women face prison, questions are raised about where to set the age of consent. And because many of those named as victims refused to testify against the women in what they said were consensual relationships, not everyone agrees that the cases involve child abuse.

"We need to untangle the moral issues from the psychological issues from the legal issues," said Carol Tavris, the author of "The Mismeasure of Women" and a social psychologist. "That's the knot." She added: "You may not like something, but does that mean it should be illegal? If we have laws that are based on moral notions and developmental notions that are outdated, do we need to change the laws?"

Though it might seem that way from the headlines, women having sex with teenage boys is not new. A federal Department of Education study called "Educator Sexual Misconduct," released last year, found that 40 percent of the educators who had been reported for sexual misconduct with students were women.

But, finally, a voice of reason and expertise.

Charol Shakeshaft, the author of the study and a professor of education at Hofstra University, said that even when the woman is not a teacher, the relationships are not healthy. "A 16-year-old is just not fully developed," she said. "Male brains tend to develop the part that can make decisions about whether it is a wise thing to do later."

Why do such arguments come up and why are they aimed at telling boys they can do whatever they want?  Why do they think males are immune to this kind of sexual exploitation?  I am sorry to have to tell you all this but - females are not the only ones who can be raped and no matter what "we think the age of consent is" - why not use caution?

Read more of this article here.

Technorati Tags : sexual+abuse, sex+abuse, sexual+abuse+doctors, sexabuse, sexualabuse

Abuse Shield Wanted For Male Doctors

I have talked about this before and I think a system should be put into place.  The "my word against their word" argument is not acceptable.  I would like to think people do not accuse others of sexual abuse in order to "get back at them" or to "make them do something" - but that will never happen.

A gynaecologist in Orissa's Bhadrak town was arrested earlier this week for allegedly raping a patient. The doctor denied the charge.

A government doctor in Khurda was suspended a couple of months ago for allegedly molesting a female patient. The doctor alleged frame-up.

Healing has its pitfalls in Orissa. At least for men. Male doctors are crying for safety nets so that they can treat women without risking allegations of sexual harassment. A spate of arrests and suspensions of doctors in government hospitals has forced male doctors to demand written undertakings from the husbands and parents of women patients for treatment of "sensitive body parts".

In Bhubaneswar's Capital Hospital, doctors are referring women to lady doctors. Madhusudan Mishra, president of the Orissa Medical Service Association (OSMA), said, "Under the circumstances, the only solution is that either the lady doctors treat women or the government put checks in place to prevent allegations of sexual abuse."

What kind of system would benefit the world - I just don't know.

Technorati Tags : sexual+abuse, sex+abuse, sexual+abuse+doctors, sexabuse, sexualabuse

Gary Glitter

It appears Gary Glitter, the 1970's rocker, was arrested last month on suspicion of sexual abuse in Vietnam where the musician has been living for the last six months.

Glitter, 61, is being held in Vietnam under suspicion of committing lewd acts with children, which he has denied. He has not been charged.

News agency AFP quoted police who said Glitter had admitted the girl spent the night with him but denied all abuse.

Glitter said the girl had slept in his bed as she was afraid of ghosts, his lawyer told another news agency, AP.

Glitter - whose real name is Paul Francis Gadd - had his detention extended by four months last week, while claims he had sex with under-age girls, one aged 12, are investigated.

I don't know if he has committed some form of abuse against a child because I am more concerned with the treatment of the situation.

Technorati Tags : sexualabuse, sexabuse, gary+glitter

One In Six Men Are Victims of Childhood Sex Abuse

HealthDay News has an article regarding some statistics about sexual abuse:

THURSDAY, May 19 (HealthDay News) -- One in six adult men reported being sexually molested as children, and -- in a surprise finding -- nearly 40 percent of the perpetrators were female, a new study found.

Women fared even worse, with one in four reporting childhood molestation, in almost all cases perpetrated by males.

Both male and female victims had higher rates of substance abuse, mental illness and troubled marriages.

The findings are contained in a study of more than 17,000 California residents that appears in the June issue of the American Journal of Preventive Medicine.

"Children of both genders are vulnerable to childhood sexual abuse," said study lead author Shanta Dube, an epidemiologist with the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. "And the long-term effects are similar, regardless of the gender of the victim."

Child molestation has been in the public eye since the 1970s. But much of the focus has been on female victims because awareness of the problem first sprang from the women's movement and rape-crisis centers, explained Kathleen Kendall-Tackett, a research associate professor of psychology at the University of New Hampshire who has studied child sex abuse.

Consequently, the treatment of the health effects of childhood abuse also focused on women. "I don't think they were trying to exclude men, it's just that so many of the patients were women," she said.

In the last few years, the Catholic Church abuse scandal has focused more attention on males who were molested as children. But studies of male sexual abuse have tended to focus on those men who have sought psychological help, Dube said.

Read more here.

Technorati Tags : sexualabuse, sexabuse, statistics+sexual+abuse

Book List For Survivors

Books are A list of books found on Doubting Thomas:

Grubman-Black, Stephen D. Broken Boys/Mending Men: Recovery from Childhood Sexual Abuse. Bradenton, FL: Human Services Institute/TAB Books, 1990.
ISBN: 0-8306-3562-9 (ppb)
Author identifies as a survivor. Includes "portions of stories" by other survivors. Reference listing.

Hunter, Mic. Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse. New York: Fawcett Columbine/Ballantine, 1990. ISBN: 0-449-90629-9 (ppb)
Author has a 12-Step background. Book is in two parts. Part I, "What is Sexual Abuse," presents psycho-education, definitions, issues, etc. Part II, "Survival Stories," presents first-person accounts, by eighteen male survivors and one wife of a male survivor who was herself abused, and makes up the larger part of the book. Resource listing, bibliography.

Hunter, Mic (editor). The Sexually Abused Male, Volume I: Prevalence, Impact, and Treatment New York: Lexington Books (MacMillan), 1990. ISBN: 0-669-21518-X (Volume II is more clinical, addressing treatment issues and strategies.)
A variety of writers and subject matter, organized in three parts: Cultural Factors, Prevalence and Impact, and Assessment Issues. The second chapter, "Cinematic Treatment of Sexual Abuse and Rape of Men and Boys," by James W. Trivelpiece, provides an exhaustive review of movies in which male sexual assault is mentioned or addressed (rarely with sensitivity). The third part includes two chapters on female perpetrators.

King, Neal. Speaking our Truth: Voices of Courage and Healing for Male Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse. New York: HarperCollins, 1995.
ISBN: 0-006-095058-7 (ppb)
Author identifies as a survivor. Compilation of personal statements, poetry, and one section of drawings by male survivors. The author groups the writings and frames them with brief paragraphs. Brief (two-page) listing of suggested reading.

Lew, Mike. Victims No Longer: Men Recovering from Incest and Other Sexual Child Abuse. New York: Harper & Row, 1988.
ISBN: 0-06-097300-5 (ppb)
Primarily psycho-educational in content. Includes first-person accounts by eleven male survivors. Includes a "Resources" chapter that lists organizations, newsletters, books and articles.

Sanders, Timothy L. Male Survivors: 12-Step Recovery Program for Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse. Freedom, CA: The Crossing Press (1991). ISBN: 0-89594-485-5 (ppb)
Author identifies as a survivor. 12-step focus. The author concludes each chapter with suggested exercises, checklists, etc. Short list of support groups and long list of suggested readings, grouped by "Life Area:" psychological, spiritual, etc.

There is more on the website.

Technorati Tags : sexualabuse, sexabuse, sexual+abuse, books, self+help

Male Abuse Victims Are Not Gay

There is a lot of talk in the news about whether or not male abuse victims are gay.  I don't believe this is true since my wife might be a little angry with me.  I am not attracted to men and I don't harbor any desire to change my mind.  Males who have experienced abuse can "go either way" in my opinion.  And, I certainly don't care whether some one likes the same sex or not.  I have seen the dark side of what sex can be and I hope anyone finding pleasure in sex after what I went through is a surprise.

A great web resource, KaliMunro.com, talks about this:

Since male-to-male sexual abuse is believed to be the equivalent of gay sex, the victim is also believed to be gay. Some survivors are even called "fags" by the men who abuse them. Others don't tell anyone about the abuse because they know that they'll be blamed and taunted with homophobic slurs. One survivor told me that after he went public about being a survivor, he was in a store holding hands with his girlfriend and someone said,"I thought he'd be a fag".

It goes on to talk about how men are never viewed as being victims - or being victims at all.

A common myth is that men cannot be victims. The thinking goes, "He's a guy...he could have stopped it if he really wanted to." It's assumed that the survivor must have consented because sexual abuse does not happen to "real" men, and thus since he must have consented, he must be gay. Add to this the common, but mistaken belief that boys and men cannot become erect or ejaculate unless they are aroused or consent, and we have a powerful and pervasive belief system that keeps male survivors silent and ashamed.

Technorati Tags : sexualabuse, sexabuse, gay, homosexual

 

Instructor Aquitted of Sexual Abuse Charges

A retired teacher in Ontario has been acquitted of sexual abuse charges.

A 69-year-old retired teacher from Upper Canada College has been acquitted of charges he sexually abused a young student almost two decades ago.

Herbert Sommerfeld, who taught at the prestigious private school for 36 years, faced charges including sexual assault and sexual interference.

His accuser, who cannot be identified, said the attacks started when he was nine and continued until he was fourteen. The man is now 28.

The judge in the case said he found the accuser's testimony filled with inconsistencies and that it was sometimes evasive.

Sommerfeld welcomed the verdict, but said he has endured 18 months of torture since being charged.

It's been horrendous, it's been just a nightmare," said the retired teacher. "It's been very difficult. It's been something that has been on my mind almost every waking moment. It's a dreadful experience."

 

Technorati Tags : sexualabuse, sexabuse, toronto, ontario, canada

Is Abuse Of Male Students By Female Abusers On The Rise?

According to the Daily York Record, there appears to be a rise in female teachers abusing young male students .

Increasingly, female teachers are being accused of having a sexual relationship with a student. In the past 18 months, in fact, at least 26 court cases involved female teachers accused of molesting students, said Robert J. Shoop, a professor at Kansas State University and author of "Sexual Exploitation in Schools: How to Spot It and Stop It."

Erica Rutters, a married Dover resident who taught at the Oxford Christian Academy in Adams County, was charged last month with corruption of minors stemming from her alleged sexual relationship with a 16-year-old male student.

Young boys are easy to sexually stimulate, Shoop said. They usually say they enjoyed the relationship. The issue is whether they are emotionally and psychologically ready.

Jason Klinedinst, the alleged victim in the local case, and his mother, Vicki Klinedinst consented to an interview and the use of his name. He said he had sex with Rutters. He said he was a willing participant in the relationship.

Shoop is skeptical when a young boy characterizes his relationship with a teacher. A child is not mature enough for that kind of relationship. It gives them experiences way beyond their maturity level. Speaking generally about such cases, Shoop said that many times, the teacher has shown a lack of maturity.

"It's a relationship with a teacher," Shoop said. "It's a failure on the part of the adult who does not understand her moral, legal and ethical duties."

There is the assumption that because males are just that - males - they are immune to the stress and shame encountered when having experienced the exploitation of an abuser.  Females are no different in their roles as abuser.

Women typically focus on one child and embark on a falling-in-love relationship, Shoop said.

It's called grooming. Many child molesters, particularly women, groom their victims over months, cultivating their friendship and trust, Shoop said.

Boys are less prone to think a teacher's attentions and sexual advances are wrong because of societal messages, according to a Dec. 1 article in District Administration, a magazine for K-12 education leaders.

They think it's cool, and go along with it even if they are confused, according to the article. As they mature, the boy victims of sexual abuse by teachers separate their emotions from the act and have trouble with intimacy.

Christina Mauhar, director of the Victim Assistance Center in York County, said most sexual abuse cases have to do with power.

"Generally, the female perpetrator is not looking to harm the kid," Mauhar said. "They view him as a beautiful object they want to love. It all comes down to power and control."

Women tend to be looking for something that's missing from their lives, Mauhar said. They typically suffer from low self-esteem, fear of rejection, and lack of social skills. There is a huge difference between men and women child molesters, she said.

If a woman does not feel she has power in her life, she may seek a relationship with someone more vulnerable than herself to gain the feeling of having power, Mauhar said.

Sexual abuse is under-reported in our society and even more so with boys. Society's double standard views sexual assaults on girls as reprehensible and shows less understanding about boy victims, she said. We hush talk about sexual assaults on boys.

"Our silence protects the wrong people," Mauhar said. "Our silence protects the perpetrator."

Female perpetrators rely more on verbal coercion. They don't give the boy a chance to consent, Mauhar said.

Technorati Tags : sexabuse, sexualabuse, femaleabusers, studentvictims, studentabuse

 

Ex-Scout Official Sentenced For Child Porn

It looks is hard not to think of such people as monsters.  But, I still can't agree they are not worth attempting to forgive and save.

A former official with the Boy Scouts of America was sentenced to eight years in prison Monday for receiving and distributing child pornography, according to the U.S. attorney's office in Dallas, Texas.

Douglas Smith Jr., 62, of Colleyville, Texas, was sentenced by U.S. District Judge Terry Means in Fort Worth.

Smith pleaded guilty in late March to one count of receiving and distributing child pornography.

The material included sexually explicit images of boys under the age of 12.

In addition to the eight-year prison term, Smith must also register as a sex offender. And even after his release, Smith will be under the supervision of a probation officer for the rest of his life.

Smith will begin his prison term January 6.

Under sentencing guidelines he could have been sentenced to as much as 20 years in prison and fined up to $250,000.

"Those who engage in the possession and/or distribution of child pornography will know the full effects of the federal criminal justice system," said U.S. Attorney Richard Roper for the Northern District of Texas.

Smith, a one-time Eagle Scout, worked with the Boy Scouts for 39 years and was serving as the youth organization's national director of programs at its national headquarters in Irving, Texas, when he retired in February, shortly after being placed on administrative leave because of the criminal investigation.

U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents worked with German federal police authorities to investigate Internet child porn operations, and to particularly target those in jobs that involve dealing with children.

According to the plea agreement, ICE investigators searched Smith's home February 22 and seized his computer and computer discs, turning up 520 images of child pornography, including video clips.

Technorati Tags : sexualabuse, sexabuse, childporn, law

Abuse Victims Want To Meet Pope

Abuse victims send letter request a meeting with the Pope:

Victims of abuse by a former priest yesterday submitted a letter to the Vatican, asking for a meeting with Pope Benedict XVI and urging him to apologise to all victims of clergy abuse.

The Rev Thomas Doyle, a Dominican priest, lawyer and longtime advocate for sex abuse victims, entered one of the Vatican's gates to deliver the letter, which also asks the pope to dismiss any official involved in covering up the scandal and to instruct bishops to cooperate in the investigation of suspected cases.

The appeal was signed by Ann Jyono and Nancy Sloan, two victims of defrocked Irish priest Oliver O'Grady, who admits molesting as many as 25 children while a parish priest in California. He served seven years in prison for abusing two brothers and was deported to Ireland in 2001.

The Vatican had no immediate comment.
"I've often said that it's soul murder; their souls are taken away from them by the priests that do it, but what makes it worse is the way they are treated by their bishops," Doyle said.

Victims of clergy abuse charge that bishops covered up the scandal, ignoring the victims' complaints and protecting paedophile priests by moving them from parish to parish each time new cases surfaced.

"Until they acknowledge us and help us to weed out the bad people in the church ... how can I heal?" Jyono said as she broke down in tears in front of the Vatican gates. "I want my faith back but I need their help."

It is a difficult road for recovery if one has lost their sense of faith.

Oprah's Demonization of Sexual Abusers

I have posted some information from Oprah's web site on this site because I believe the information is good for those whom have had no experience with sexual abuse - and, hopefully, they never will.But, I strongly disagree with Oprah's Child Predator Watch List. It is a horrible, horrible misuse of her fame and does nothing but demonize those in the communities of the world - not the North America - who need help to stop the cycle of abuse.

I respect Oprah and what she is trying to do, but her statement of "enough, enough, enough" is doing nothing to improve the situation. I agree, there are sick people out there. And, what I mean by sick, are people who may abuse others, but they themselves require help as most of them were abused. Abusers do not just "pop out of the ground" - they are created by abuse. Yet, her program dehumanizes the abusers and paints them are nothing more than devil creatures, waiting in dark hallways to pounce upon the weak. The Predator Watch program doesn't address the fact that 95% of abusers know their victims - and most are close family (parents and relatives).

I think that activisim out of anger and frustration is wrong.

Oprah's heart is in the right place, but her television program is not the correct medium to talk about abuse.

Technorati Tags : sexualabuse, sexabuse, oprah, childpredators

A Teacher Named Bobo

A teacher nicknamed "Bobo" was arrested recently:

Meet Deanna Bobo. The 37-year-old Arkansas woman is the 3,496th teacher to be arrested this year on charges that she had sex with an underage student (in this case, a 14-year-old boy). Bobo, a special ed teacher at Raymond E. Wells Junior High School, is facing a felony sexual assault count for her alleged encounters earlier this year with the student. Bobo, who was arrested last week and released on a $10,000 bond, is pictured below in a Sebastian County Adult Detention Center mug shot. According to an arrest affidavit, cops found sexually explicit e-mails between Bobo and the boy when they executed a search warrant at her home, which she shares with husband Rusty Bobo, an oilfield mechanic, and the couple's five children. As a condition of Bobo's release, a Circuit Court judge ordered that she avoided any contact with the boy and his family. While Bobo has been put on a paid suspension, her bio remains online at the Wells Junior High School web site. It notes that she has a bachelor's degree in early childhood education and has been certified as an "early childhood instructional specialist."

Canadian Priest Admits To More Sexual Abuse

On CBC.ca, a report was published today in regards to a Canadian priest with a history of sexual abuse.  He served a prison term in Quebec, Canada and then moved to France to be a priest there.  He was then arrested in France for sexual abuse of minors.  Here is what he had to say:

"I take responsibility for what has happened," said Vadeboncoeur at the opening of the trial. "Now, I must accept and assume the consequence of my acts."

The victim, now 30, came forward to bishop Jacques David in 2000. The assaults took place in the Normandy village of Lieurey from February 1990 to August 1993.

I feel sorry for both men.  Someone was not provided with the help he needed and it put another (several) in harms way.

 

Sex Abuse Support Centers Survive On Little Money

It seems to be the case with most support centers.  The money is not there to help those who really need it.  In Hawaii, the problem is magnified by the smaller populations.

During the early morning hours of a summer day in 2001, a Honolulu woman was raped by a man she knew.

Still in shock, she took a shower and went to work. All the while, confusion filled her mind of what had just happened to her hours earlier.

At lunch the woman, who requested to remain anonymous, called the Sex Abuse Treatment Center at the Kapiolani Medical Center for Women & Children for help.

A crisis worker advised her to undergo an examination at the hospital and guided her through the intake process. "It was almost like she was this angel. I went to work and felt like I was out of my body. ... She was like an anchor," she said.

This is the kind of feedback that keeps staff members at the Sex Abuse Treatment Center going. But they also know that they are not reaching everyone who needs help.

That is why the center, which provides services to sex assault victims statewide, plans to request more funding from lawmakers next year to provide better service and outreach to victims.

Executive Director Adriana Ramelli said she plans to ask lawmakers for $2 million in state general funds for fiscal year 2006-2007, a 54 percent increase from $923,783, the amount the center has received from the state annually since 1996.

Remembering and Forgetting Childhood Sexual Abuse

A study done by the University of Washington back in 1998 suggests it may not be memory repression abuse victims suffer from. It may be due to how the memory is encoded into our brains.

Researchers probing people's memories of sexual abuse report two ordinary mechanisms may be responsible for temporarily forgetting and later remembering genuine instances of childhood sexual abuse. Their findings suggest that it is possible to explain such forgetting without repression.

In a new study, University of Washington psychologists Susan Joslyn and Elizabeth Loftus say that events which are not well understood when they occur are not fully integrated into a person's memory, are not thought about often and thus are more difficult to retrieve.

In addition, Joslyn and Loftus report that people are reluctant to assume a negative label such as "sex abuse victim" when that label is inconsistent with their present self-view. The majority of people, they say, fail to acknowledge having been abused even though they report specific abuse events. This may be because they are reluctant to regard themselves as 'abuse victims.' That label doesn't fit with their self-image. This fact further hinders recall because events are not classified as abuse in memory, leaving people without an appropriate category in their memory. These kinds of memories are difficult, but not impossible, to retrieve. "Obviously, some sexual abuse events are too memorable to be forgotten in this manner because they were too violent or occurred multiple times," says Loftus, a UW professor of psychology

"Our study suggests people can forget some instances of childhood abuse by normal means and we don't have to rely on something as dramatic as repression and so-called 'recovered memories' to explain the process," adds Joslyn, a lecturer in psychology at the UW and lead investigator on the project.

I know in my experience I had some incredibly violent dreams and they were memories coming to the forefront of my mind twenty years after.  Whether that was memory repression or not, I am interested in these findings.

To explore people's memories of childhood sexual abuse, the researchers used questionnaires to ask 800 male and female college students if they had experienced any of seven events that are commonly considered to be sexual abuse when they were age 15 or younger. The events ranged from being exposed to someone's sexual private parts to rape.

Follow-up questions measured subsequent memory for the event and whether the participant considered the event to be sexual abuse now and at the time it occurred. In a totally separate question, participants were asked if they had ever been sexually abused.
Of the participants, 176 or 22 percent said they had experienced one or more of the sexual events. In all, they reported 384 sexual events. Surprisingly, only 42 of these people said they had been sexually abused when answering the generic abuse question. Also, nearly a third of the people who said they had experienced an abusive event reported they wouldn't have remembered the event if they had been asked about it.

"When you don't understand an event totally, you remember it less and recall it less," says Joslyn. "It's not that you can't recall it, it's just that you don't. This explains how people might forget sexual abuse in some cases."

Even more surprising were the responses of the 120 people who answered "no" to the generic abuse question. Of them, 108 or 90 percent contradicted their own definitions of abuse in denying that they were abused. While these people said a particular event they experienced -- such as being touched -- was abuse, they then turned around and answered "no" when asked if they'd ever been abused.

I have heard this as being called denial, but I don't think it is.  When I was faced with certain realities, I had to come to terms with admitting that my experiences were indeed abuse.  I didn't want to believe that I had been abused.

Why do so many people who reported a sexual event in their childhood not classify themselves as victims of sexual abuse?

Loftus and Joslyn believe it may have to do in part with the number and types of sexual abuse events they experienced. The people who classified themselves as "abused" reported an average of 3.3 sexual events while the "not abused" group reported an average of 1.4 events. Physical contact or the lack of contact also played a role in people's perception. Only one of 40 people who said they experienced a non-contact sexual event, such as having another person expose him or herself, said they had been abused. However, 41 people or 24 percent of those who said were touched identified themselves as abused.

People's views of themselves can be a powerful barrier against recalling something that is contradictory to that self-portrait, according to Loftus. "The group we studied was made up of college freshman who are young and healthy and don't want the victim label put on them," she says.

"Either of these mechanisms is a plausible explanation for temporary forgetting of events such as childhood sexual abuse," conclude the researchers.

Technorati Tags : repressed, remembering, memory, childhood, sexabuse, sexualabuse

Radio Station Does Focus on Sexual Violence Awareness

A radio station, Cool 104.7, located in White County, is doing their part in keeping "track" of sexual predators.

Cool 104.7 Owner Ken Madden sits at the radio station Friday. Madden is organizing a week of radio programs and announcements dealing with the sex offender situation in White County and around the nation. (Greg Benenati)

One Searcy business owner is doing what he can to raise child predator awareness in White County.

Ken Madden, owner and general manager of SBI Radio, which broadcasts Cool 104.7 and 1350 AM La Konsentida, has organized ten days to be devoted to the subject of sexual predators.

The business, in partnership with Central Arkansas Hospital and White County Medical Center, will focus on ways to educate the public on how to protect children from sexual abuse.

From July 25 through August 5, on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays from 9-9:30 a.m., Cool 104.7 will broadcast "Know Your Neighbors" segments featuring interviews with Arkansans working to end sexual violence and child abduction in the state.

"A lot of things are coming out about sexual predators that have been reactive," Madden said. Madden, who has two children of his own, said one reason he came to the decision to develop an event like this was the fact that these crimes do not just happen in the bigger cities, and that sexual predators are also found in small towns across the nation.

Myths About Male Sexual Abuse

Malesurvivor.org has a great list they have compiled about the myths around male victims:

Myth #1 - Boys and men can't be victims.

This myth, instilled through masculine gender socialization and sometimes referred to as the "macho image," declares that males, even young boys, are not supposed to be victims or even vulnerable. We learn very early that males should be able to protect themselves. In truth, boys are children - weaker and more vulnerable than their perpetrators - who cannot really fight back. Why? The perpetrator has greater size, strength, and knowledge. This power is exercised from a position of authority, using resources such as money or other bribes, or outright threats - whatever advantage can be taken to use a child for sexual purposes.

Myth #2 - Most sexual abuse of boys is perpetrated by homosexual males.

Pedophiles who molest boys are not expressing a homosexual orientation any more than pedophiles who molest girls are practicing heterosexual behaviors. While many child molesters have gender and/or age preferences, of those who seek out boys, the vast majority are not homosexual. They are pedophiles.

Myth #3 - If a boy experiences sexual arousal or orgasm from abuse, this means he was a willing participant or enjoyed it.

In reality, males can respond physically to stimulation (get an erection) even in traumatic or painful sexual situations. Therapists who work with sexual offenders know that one way a perpetrator can maintain secrecy is to label the child's sexual response as an indication of his willingness to participate. "You liked it, you wanted it," they'll say. Many survivors feel guilt and shame because they experienced physical arousal while being abused. Physical (and visual or auditory) stimulation is likely to happen in a sexual situation. It does not mean that the child wanted the experience or understood what it meant at the time.

Myth #4 - Boys are less traumatized by the abuse experience than girls.

While some studies have found males to be less negatively affected, more studies show that long term effects are quite damaging for either sex. Males may be more damaged by society's refusal or reluctance to accept their victimization, and by their resultant belief that they must "tough it out" in silence.

Myth #5 - Boys abused by males are or will become homosexual.

While there are different theories about how the sexual orientation develops, experts in the human sexuality field do not believe that premature sexual experiences play a significant role in late adolescent or adult sexual orientation. It is unlikely that someone can make another person a homosexual or heterosexual. Sexual orientation is a complex issue and there is no single answer or theory that explains why someone identifies himself as homosexual, heterosexual or bi-sexual. Whether perpetrated by older males or females, boys' or girls' premature sexual experiences are damaging in many ways, including confusion about one's sexual identity and orientation.

Many boys who have been abused by males erroneously believe that something about them sexually attracts males, and that this may mean they are homosexual or effeminate. Again, not true. Pedophiles who are attracted to boys will admit that the lack of body hair and adult sexual features turns them on. The pedophile's inability to develop and maintain a healthy adult sexual relationship is the problem - not the physical features of a sexually immature boy.

Myth #6 - The "Vampire Syndrome"Ñthat is, boys who are sexually abused, like the victims of Count Dracula, go on to "bite" or sexually abuse others.

This myth is especially dangerous because it can create a terrible stigma for the child, that he is destined to become an offender. Boys might be treated as potential perpetrators rather than victims who need help. While it is true that most perpetrators have histories of sexual abuse, it is NOT true that most victims go on to become perpetrators. Research by Jane Gilgun, Judith Becker and John Hunter found a primary difference between perpetrators who were sexually abused and sexually abused males who never perpetrated: non-perpetrators told about the abuse, and were believed and supported by significant people in their lives. Again, the majority of victims do not go on to become adolescent or adult perpetrators; and those who do perpetrate in adolescence usually don't perpetrate as adults if they get help when they are young.

Myth #7 - If the perpetrator is female, the boy or adolescent should consider himself fortunate to have been initiated into heterosexual activity.

In reality, premature or coerced sex, whether by a mother, aunt, older sister, baby-sitter or other female in a position of power over a boy, causes confusion at best, and rage, depression or other problems in more negative circumstances. To be used as a sexual object by a more powerful person, male or female, is always abusive and often damaging.

Believing these myths is dangerous and damaging.

• So long as society believes these myths, and teaches them to children from their earliest years, sexually abused males will be unlikely to get the recognition and help they need.

• So long as society believes these myths, sexually abused males will be more likely join the minority of survivors who perpetuate this suffering by abusing others.

• So long as boys or men who have been sexually abused believe these myths, they will feel ashamed and angry.

• And so long as sexually abused males believe these myths they reinforce the power of another devastating myth that all abused children struggle with: that it was their fault. It is never the fault of the child in a sexual situation - though perpetrators can be quite skilled at getting their victims to believe these myths and take on responsibility that is always and only their own.

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Abuse Survivors Support Groups Listed on DMOZ.org

On DMOZ.org, a human-edited web directory, there is a listing of support groups and self-help resources. I have not checked every one of them, so, if there are any broken links or negative resources, please leave a comment and let me know which ones may not be acceptable.

• Adam's Dimension - Adam's personal story about child sexual abuse and recovery.
• Downeast Maine Survivors - Child abuse survivors recovery, child advocacy, links, creative writing, and information.
• Garyp - A Survivor of Hell - A survivor's description of his life and the consequences.
• GhostWolf - Out of the Abyss - The biography, art, poetry and writings of GhostWolf, an incest survivor.
• In My Father's Arms - The story of a gay man molested in childhood by a father well known and loved by his community.
• Inside My Lost Solace - My life, my rape, my recovery, my beliefs, my pastimes, and my thoughts.
• Male Childhood Sexual Abuse Survivors - Male survivors telling their stories; resources for survivors; articles and information.
• Sexual Abuse Recovery Forum - A place of healing for survivors of sexual abuse and rape.
• Steve's - Open 24 Hours - Sexually abused from four years old until he was ten years old, his abuse remained buried until a traumatic event occurred.
• Story of the Child Abuse Man - Paul McLaughlin tells his story.
• Survivors Swindon - Supporting adult male survivors of child sexual abuse and adult sexual assaults.
• There's No Way I'm Telling Anybody - NHL star Sheldon Kennedy came forward in 1997 with a survivor's tale of sexual abuse at the hands of his junior hockey coach.

Definition of Abuse

Reading some information about sexual abuse on MenStuff.org made me realize I have taken a few things for granted. Being only one voice of an abused male, I have assumed people know what I am talking about. I hope the following definition makes it clear for anyone stumbling upon this web site.

Definitions of Sexual Abuse

Let's look at the definition of sexual abuse derived primarily from within the Recovery community.

• Physical sexual: involving intercourse, oral sex, anal sex, masturbation of the child, having a child masturbate an adult, sexual touching (fondling), sexual kissing and sexual hugging;
• Overt/explicit: involving voyeurism or exhibitionism
• Covert: involving verbal sexual abuse or lack of appropriate boundary setting with the child
• Emotional sexual: involving emotional enmeshment by the parent, child witness to sexual abuse or not providing appropriate and healthy sexuality information.

Male Sexual Abuse Victims of Female Perpetrators

As I have been conducting my research in my local library and through various resources on the Internet, I have found an interesting piece regarding the sexual abuse of males by female perpetrators. I had thought of this before since I was abused by several people during childhood, and one of them was a female.

The reality that boys are sexually abused by women is not widely accepted. Some people view it as an impossible act - that a male can’t be sexually assaulted by a female - and others view it as sexually titillating. The existence of female perpetrators and male victims confronts many of our most firmly held beliefs about women, men, sexuality, power, and sexual assault. It challenges our very notions about what sex is.

The view that males always want and benefit from sex with females

A commonly held view of heterosexuality is that men are always wanting and seeking sex with females; males are dominant, while females are submissive. Men initiate sexual encounters, and women accept or decline male invitations for sex. If a female initiates sexual contact with a male, this is viewed as a rare and exciting opportunity that no man should let pass by; he should be grateful.

Given these beliefs, many people see nothing wrong with a woman pursuing a boy sexually. In fact, in some circles it is considered a good way to introduce boys to heterosexuality. Some fathers take their young sons to prostitutes with the mistaken belief that it is “good” for them. A number of movies, stories, jokes, and fantasies portray older women sexually “seducing” young boys in positive terms.

I agree that, most often, it is the males of our society whom are depicted as being the aggressors. Television is filled with abused females and very few abused males, if any. I recall watching this horrid court room drama about a wife whom was abusing her husband. The program continued and every few minutes the phrase: "Oh, come on, a strong guy like yourself couldn't protect yourself?"

It was such garbage. Believe it or not, many males do not choose to fight those weaker than them. North American society portrays most victims as females and the aggressors as males - thus giving people the impression males are brutish creatures with no control over their strength.

It couldn't be farther from the truth.

Read more on this here.

What To Do If Your Child Has Been Abused

More from Oprah's web site. This information is about how you can deal with your child, should you find your child has been abused.

How to Help Your Child Deal with Molestation

• If your child tells you that he or she has been touched inappropriately, stay calm. Your reaction may make your child feel more guilty or afraid, and they might have a harder time talking about it.
• Tell your child that you are glad they told you about it. Telling was a good way to take care of themselves and also the person who touched them. That person needs help with their "touching problem." Tell your child that you will take care of things. Tell your child that you will need to talk to someone to figure out what to do next. Be careful to not make promises that you cannot keep.
• Seek support and comfort for yourself where the child can't see or hear what you say.
• In order to avoid confusion, anxiety or guilt, children should not overhear conversations about their disclosure. Too much information or discussion can also interfere with the police investigation or prosecution.
• Call your local child abuse hotline or local police department and report the abuse. Failing to report the abuse may mean that other children might get abused, too. Don't try to handle the situation yourself.
• The prognosis for healing after being molested is better for children who are supported and believed when they disclose.
• Don't allow any further contact between your child and the alleged offender. Don't confront the offender yourself.
  

Take Legal Action

• Jill DiCarlo, a Deputy District Attorney who prosecutes child molesters, warns that the biggest mistake a parent can make is not reporting sexual abuse to the authorities.
• It is crucial to the child that you report abuse and pursue prosecution.
• The child has the opportunity to get justice. It gives them satisfaction.
• Persecution helps make sure that the abuser cannot strike again.
  

The source material for this information is here.

Talking To Your Kids About Sexual Abuse

I was reading some information on Oprah's web site a few day ago and found some information I felt was important to pass along. My personal abuse experience was over several years and it was a terrifying experience because I was only 7 when it began. What I think made it more terrifying is that I didn't know what had happened. I was too young to put any of it into any sort of context.

• Talk openly with your children about sexual development, behavior and abuse.
• Use proper or semi-proper names for body parts (penis and vagina), and phrases like: private parts are "private and special."
• Tell your children that if anyone touches or tries to see their private parts; tries to get them to touch or look at another person's private parts; shows them pictures of or tries to take pictures of their private parts; talks to them about sex; walks in on them in the bathroom; or does anything that makes them feel uncomfortable to tell you or a "support person" as soon as they can or the next time they see you.
• Tell your children that some children and adults have "touching problems." These people can make "secret touching" look accidental, and they should still tell you even if they think it might have been accidental.
• Tell your children that touching problems are kind of like stealing or lying, and that the people who have those kinds of problems need special help so they don't continue to have problems or get into trouble. Don't describe it as a "sickness."
• Tell your children that some people try to trick kids into keeping the touching a secret. Tell your children, "We don't want those kinds of secrets in our family."
• Give your children examples of things that someone might use to try to get them to keep a secret: candy, money, special privileges, threats, subtle fear of loss, separation or punishment.
• Make sure they have support people they can talk to at home, at school, in their extended family, neighborhood or church. Have them pick out three people and tell you who they are. Put the phone numbers next to your phone and let them know that, if for any reason they cannot talk to you, they should call or go see another support person.

This is some information with a few helpful hints and suggestions. Whether or not it is "good" advice is up to you. I feel it is, but do more research on your own before talking to your children about sexual abuse.

The source material for this list is here.

The Question Of Why Me?

Abused, Empowered, Survive, Thrive has an entry on their web site about the question of "why me"?

Why Me?Sooner or later every one asks the question, "Why did it happen to me ?"I struggled with that question for years until I found understanding therapists. Lets get some things straight before we go on to look at this question deeper. Your abuser will no doubt of made you feel that the abuse happened because it was your fault in some way. In asking the above question, you are trying to find out what you did wrong. The ONLY thing that you did wrong was to believe your abuser, and whoever that was LIED to you, and USED you. Other than that you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I know that putting it that simply won't be good enough for you yet, so I shall try to explain the answer a little better if I can. Hopefully the simple answer will be enough for you one day soon.

It is such a simple, yet, powerful question. It can be distracting and irritating. At times, it is a good question. Other times, it can become an obsession. But, is it a good question?

Male Sexual Abuse and Other Abuse Victims

I want readers to know, this site is not just about male sexual abuse. This blog is for all abuse victims. Because I am a male, I can only speak about my experiences and I do not want to speak for everyone.

If you have any information, comments, stories, or anything, please let me know and I will make sure your voice is heard on this blog.

It's An Extraordinary Idea

As most abuse survivors know, there are good days, bad days and very bad days. The bad days tend to surprise us. We may be great the night before, but upon waking, our mind has already decided that this day will be "one of those". It can be difficult to deal with but, eventually, one becomes their happy self again.

I was having a horrible day the other day (not that anyone would have known) and I tried to find something that would cheer me up. I headed off to the bookstore and looked for something that would make me happy. I flipped through a series of books, sat down with a coffee and read for a while.

One of the books I was reading through had this one sentence. I was flipping through and came across is:

It's an extrodinary ordinary idea, that we can restore what has been shattered. In fact it's our responsibilty to try -- each of us -- to make our world whole again.

I needed those words. Very simple words, yet, so very hard to find. No matter how much we try to make ourselves happy, whether you are an abuse survivor or not, there are days when it just doesn't seem like we will ever be happy again.

I can't remember the book that sentence came from (if you find it, please let me know) but I do believe it is a story worth reading. Anything that makes me smile in the depths of my bad day is worth a lot. It is like happiness were coated in gold.

Survivors Of Sexual Abuse

One of the major problems male sexual abuse survivors face is quite simple - shame. It is a very difficult situation to over come. The simple process of talking about emotions is hard enough for some males but talking openly about the abuse they endured makes it almost impossible. Some sale sexual abuse survivors are not able to process some emotional content. And like many abuse survivors, the abuse is difficult to re-live each time they discuss it.

This blog is a resource to try and help those who have never sought help. We welcome any e-mails from abuse survivors who wish to share with us their stories of abuse and how they were able to finally come to terms with it. We will also be providing some general assistance by listing some survivor information.

We know there are many out there wanting to talk but do not have the courage to seek out assistance. We can help. We are not professional therapists, we are merely wishing to point those who are ready for help in the most positive direction we can.

All communication received in our e-mail will never be shared with anyone and any e-mails will be deleted communication has been completed.